Why the vaccine "debate" will never be settled

In the August 2011 edition of The Costco Connection there appeared an article promoting various vaccines for adults.  You can read the entire article here.

I just emailed the following letter to the editor:

If medical and public health vaccine advocates want to know why they do not hold any credibility with those of us who question the current vaccine protocol they need to look no further than the quote credited to Dr. Raymond A. Strikas in the August 2011 edition of the Costco Connection.  In the article Dr. Strikas is quoted as say "If you've lost your [immunization] records and are unsure about whether you were vaccinated as a child, there is no harm in getting revaccinated as an adult,".  This is patently false.  Every time a person is vaccinated they are exposed to the possibility of adverse reactions to that vaccine.  Looking at the package inserts of some of the most common vaccines these potential adverse reaction include encephalitis and encephalopathy, chronic joint symptoms, or aseptic meningitis - all of which are listed as reported adverse reactions by the manufacturers for various measles, mumps, rubella and chicken pox vaccines. While all of these events are quite rare, it is cheap and easy to run a titer to see if a person is already immune to the disease for which the vaccine is suggested.  Why take the risk of any adverse reaction, even a minor one, if it can be clinically determined that a person is immune?

If Dr. Strikas or others would like to discuss the relative risks versus benefits (personal and public) of various vaccinations that is a conversation worthy of consideration.  But I would ask that neither he nor The Costco Connection insult my intelligence by arguing that vaccines are risk-free.

I would love to hear your thoughts.....

Wordless Wednesday

Create This

Welcome to the August Carnival of Natural Parenting: Creating With Kids

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how they make messes and masterpieces with children. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

---

I don't consider myself a creative person.  Not artistically anyway.  I could blame that on a couple of middle school teacher experiences, but more than that it probably has to do with a perfectionistic leaning that seems to flair up when it comes to things of "permanence" - such as painting or tie dying. I've tried not to pass this on to the kids with some  success.  So far no one has jumped both feet into the visual arts, but they are quite willing to engage in a variety of projects for their own enjoyment and benefit - including such things as duck tape clothing (and other items), other types of clothing decoration and creation, drawing, painting, cardboard construction, "cooking dangerously" and others that aren't coming to mind at the moment. Many of these things they pursue at home and for those that are beyond the scope of my experience or willingness to indulge the mess I find other places and opportunities.  This is the mom that I am and I'm [mostly] okay with that.

When I saw this months carnival topic I strongly considered not submitting anything.  I don't have a great tutorial to offer nor any ideas for creative stimulation that belong in Family Fun. But as I pondered the question of how we create as a family I began to feel like there was a bit of something that I could share.

In our family we create with ideas.  I am fairly introspective (everyone who knows me can make sarcastic gasps now) and tend toward big picture thinking.  I like to synthesize ideas, concepts, opportunities.  This is what we do together.  We think, we ponder, sometimes we put these into action either ourselves or by stimulating others to act.  If a child approaches me with some thought about the universe or the things in it that they've run across we look at it, discuss it, explore complementary and contrasting ideas.  It is critically important to me that my children see ideas as questionable and facts as manipulable.  Not that I'm a complete relativist - but only that it is as important (if not more important) to know the question that was asked and by who in relation to the answer that was given than the answer itself.

So how does this look in our family? Mostly lots of talking with each other and among friends who have different points of view and different life experiences.  "What if" questions make regular appearances.  Just as an artist might ask and trial "what if I painted this blue?" or "what if I draped the fabric this way?" we might ask "what if this person was still alive?" or "what if scientists had looked at this part of the question instead?"  There is also a lot of "why" even past the age of three. "Why do you believe this particular "truth" of this one?" or "Why do you interpret and then act on these words or actions in the way that you do?" or even "Why were these assumptions made prior to even engaging in exploration?"

It isn't the way we normally think of creativity and there is nothing to hang on the wall to show off to the grandparents, but I believe that many of the mental exercises are the same. A willingness to try new things, experiment, and possibly fail.  However these experiences are achieved I think that they contribute to a vital and fulfilling life and I hope it is something that my children keep with them through adulthood.

***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Family Draw Time Art Show — Kate Wicker shares art (and inspiration!) from her family's cherished tradition of family draw time.
• The Rules of Creativity: Learning to Create with the "Non-Creative" — Zoe at Give an Earthly shares how she learned to accept her "non-creative" child and claims that anyone, child or adult, can be creative given the right handling and environment.
• Creating With Kids: 4 Ways That Work For Us — See how Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings nurtures creativity with her kids through craft projects, outdoor creative play, celebrating the creative process, and setting up "little spaces of beauty."
• Creating memories, not things — Mrs. Green from Little Green Blog reflects on life with a ten year old and how 'creating together' has evolved from 'things' to memories.
• The Gift of Creation — It may be hot, but Kellie at Our Mindful Life is already thinking about winter.
• Hidden Talents — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how providing the opportunity for creativity sometimes means learning to look for hidden talents in unusual places.
• Creating Joy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she and her one year-old son create joy for their community.
• How to do Crafts with Kids — Gaby from Tmuffin guest posts at Natural Parents Network and describes how to keep things simple when doing crafts with kids for magical (easy-to-clean, and tantrum-free) results.
• Sugar & Spice & Baking on the Kitchen Floor — Carrie at Love Notes Mama enjoys making a mess in the kitchen with her daughter.
• Young Scientist Makes Purple Potion — Hannah at Wild Parenting loves being a lab assistant for the young scientist in her life.
• Making a butterfly house — Lauren at Hobo Mama demonstrates the proper way to build a wooden butterfly house with a preschooler.
• Nurturing Creativity — Amyables at Toddler In Tow shares the enjoyment she feels in nurturing the creativity of her children.
• Home School Music - Sparking A New Generation Of Musicians — Based on her musical background, Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey talks about how she creates with and teaches music to her children.
• Creating (im)perfectly Together — Mudpiemama shares some of the highlights of a summer spent building everything from ships to hoops but most of a lesson on letting go of perfection.
• Family Soccer Kick Around — When her children wanted to play soccer, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children helped organize something that would work for her family.
• Creating Memories Together on Skype — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how you can create memories online with adult children or anyone who lives in another city or country.
• We'll always have Halloween: Creating costumes for kids — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is not the craftiest mom on the block, but she does make a mean homemade Halloween costume.
• Let's Make Juice! — Wendylori at High Needs Attachment shares about the benefits of juicing with kids, as well as a quick recipe.
• Everything's Better When It's Homemade — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro praises the art of homemade goods.
• Creating the Opportunity for Art — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction shares how her family has created an environment conducive to art.
• 10 Easy and Functional Crafts Preschoolers Can Do with Minimal Assistance — Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers ten easy crafts preschoolers can do while sitting near parents — but they don't need a lot of parental help. Added bonus: all of these ten ideas double as something functional (gifts, decor, educational).
• Creating with Kids: Singing Together — Ana at Pandamoly details the important role music takes in her household and provides a quick (and easy!) tutorial for creating fun songs to sing together!
• Create This — jessica at instead of institutions considers different aspects of creativity including those without an end product.
• Make Your Own Pocket Bib — A tutorial from Amy at Anktangle on how to make two simple and quick bibs to keep your little one clean at the table.
• Creating Together in the Kitchen — Despite not feeling "crafty," Momma Jorje finds a way to create and connect with her toddler.
• An Artist-Mama's Perspective — In this post, Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses the differences between her choice of artistic outlet and her son's, and how they embrace those differences together.
• Heart of the Home — Jona at Life, Intertwined shares some highlights of cooking with kids.
• Getting creative with kids — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares how much she enjoys watching her daughter getting creative.
• Creating with Children - The Nature/Seasonal Table — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama celebrates the rhythm of the natural world with her toddler through the creation of a seasonal nature table.
• How Involving My Kid Saves My Sanity — The Happy Hippie Homemaker explains how involving her toddler in projects allows her to get more done, while providing valuable opportunities to teach and to bond (added bonus: amazing oatmeal raisin cookie recipe!).
• In the Kitchen with Kids — Cooking with Real and Pretend Food — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle engages her kids in the kitchen with culinary creations of both real and pretend food.

Good stuff happens too

As I read through other posts in July's Carnival of Natural Parenting it occurred to me that while the purpose of my own entry was to reflect on how little control we ultimately have, the "outcomes" I focused on were nearly exclusively negative.  In my mind, one of the benefits of letting go of the control is a realization that the behaviors of children are neither universal nor eternal.

One common theme that was mentioned was the goal of empathy and respect. Sibling relationships being the most obvious place for a parent to focus their energy in teaching these values.  I completely share the desire to have my children exhibit empathy to both their siblings and others.  However what I have observed is that often kids can behave in some truly challenging ways with their siblings (or parents) but be quite empathetic and respectful in the larger world.  Additionally, siblings can struggle through their childhood and come out as adults the best of friends.

My siblings and I argued throughout our childhood both verbally and physically.  My mother tried a variety of tactics from ignoring ("Oh he didn't hit you! that was just a love pat") to "time out" all together until we worked out the issue.  It was bad enough that there were periods of time when she couldn't leave a given set of us alone together because it wasn't safe for one or both parties. However as adults my sister and I have an extremely close relationship and my brother, while not as connected on a regular basis, gets along well with both of us.

A similar thought occurred to me recently regarding my own hopes for my children.  I had wanted my children to be excited for adventure as they entered adulthood.  And while I can't think of anything I did specifically to encourage that I consciously did things to not discourage it.  I was a bit sad and concerned when my oldest expressed that she wanted to stay close for college and her late teen years with no plans or desire to move beyond the city where her parents and friends reside.  I was concerned that she was being "held back" and even went so far as to worry that she was trapping herself *for the rest of her life*.  I know that sounds crazy, but when we look closely at our concerns regarding our children's behavior or choices there is often an element of universalizing the issue which is what I was doing.  Then I remembered others who I knew as young adults who stuck close to home.  Some are still there living in the same neighborhood as their parents and are quite happy, others moved on in their own time, perhaps experiencing multiple state moves for employment or adventures to other countries.  The choice that was made at 17, 18, 19 gave no information about the choice they made at 25 or 30.

Believe it or not (from my last post) I am the type that generally believes the world is good place, that things well be all right, that it is okay to trust.  That the fact that you can't take the 2 year old to the playground because they bite everyone within 3 feet of them does not mean that they will be beating up kids for their lunch money a decade from now.  Nor does it mean that the sweet, gentle 4 yr old  who stays glued to your side won't pass through a bit of a "mean girl" stage during adolescence and then come out as an adult with a job in the peace corp, traveling the world.

So while the train may take an unexpected (and perhaps unpleasant) detour or could even potentially derail all together for the most part it I think it will be a fun (and surprising) ride.

Rachael and Marley are playing in an old mini-car at the Firefighter's Exhibit in 2009

Unphilosophizing?

Welcome to the July Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Philosophy
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared their parenting practices and how they fit in with their parenting purpose. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
***

Parenting isn't outcomes based.  That's the long and the short of it, really.  There is simply no way to guarantee any particular objective and frankly I'm beginning to wonder if there is any way to tilt the odds much past even chance.  There are the goals that are obviously based on externalities.

• I want my child to be successful
• I want my child to think, look, behave in some specific way

Often parents who study attachment parenting or consensual living will roundly reject those explicit goals.  Instead they are often replaced with

• I want my child to be happy.
• I want us to be connected.

And parents then strive to behave in such a way that the child will be happy and the family will be connected.

The challenge with this line of thinking is that children are not blank slates - not even a little bit. At the moment of birth (and many would argue before) there are aspects to the personality that are already in existence.  These aspects also do not guarantee any particular outcome, but they do make it quite difficult, if not impossible, to predict how a specific child will react to a specific behavior on the part of the parent.  Additionally, as much as we would want to, we do not control the world in which our children live.  And again, though we may strive to create a specific type of world that we deem best (at least for our small children), we cannot predict how that world will interact with the unique individual who is our child.

If this all sounds a little hopeless it is probably a pretty good representation of how I am feeling at the moment. Actually hopeless is less accurate than helpless. I have one child ready to launch into adulthood and the next entering adolescence with more difficulty than the first.  I've spent the last decade watching the children of acquaintances and friends go from young teenagers into young adulthood. These are families who breastfed, baby wore, respected their children, practiced gentle discipline, homeschooled, whatever it is that we've all put into practice thinking that somehow our parenting "method" would protect our children from LIFE. But just as even those who eat vegan, Western Price, take our vitamins will someday succumb to our own mortality so too will our children be human in a world full of humans.

Some of it is truly tragic.  The story of Henry, son of Attachment Parenting author Katie Allison Granju, is one such example. My heart breaks for the family on a regular basis. Some of it is letting go of those things that we really thought our children would never do... the son who marries a girl who Ezzos your grandbabies or the daughter who thinks that breastfeeding will hold her back as a woman.  And that doesn't even get into the differences in religion, politics, lifestyle, values that can surface. Sometimes it is having an ordinary life when we had hoped for or expected the extraordinary.  Or maybe there are a series of decisions that are made that lead to a place where our child truly is not happy.  A relationship, a friendship, a decision made at a party one night that has consequences, either short or long term, that are difficult to walk away from. This is when parenting dilemmas go from night weaning and biting toddlers to advice on choosing sex partners based on your willingness to tolerate that person as a coparent and really no you shouldn't text your friend a picture of your butt because seriously, kids go to jail for that.  And by the way if someone pulls out drugs in public get the hell out of Dodge because if you all get busted that's it for your college federal financial aid and frankly I don't have money set aside for a lawyer.

What does that all mean for my personal parenting philosophy at this point?  I'm not sure.  A friend who I very much respect said to me years ago "does it help to know that no matter what your children are going to do things that you don't like?" She was speaking to my need desire for control.  We are told with regards to our romantic relationships that the only thing we can "control" is ourselves - we cannot control our partners.  This is equally true for our children, even if our desires are to control for happiness, hopefulness, goodness.  The fates do not differentiate. We do not get to control another. We do not get to define the outcome objectives for another.


In practical terms parenting must also then turn inward.  We can only control ourselves.  We can only live by our own guiding value systems.  This might be WWJD or the UN Declaration on the Rights of the Child. Personally I find platitudes to be rather helpful here - you know "do unto others", "be the change", and all the stuff.  So that's where I try to start. What is it that my child wants or needs right here in this moment?  If I can't do that what is the least wrong thing I can do instead? Sometimes the next part is easy - I know what to do and I do it.  Usually it isn't.  Often I don't know what to do, even with that because I don't really know what they want/need and often they don't seem to either (or they can't articulate it).  Do they need someone to push them out of their comfort zone or someone to hold them tight? Challenge or security?  Change or stability? And let's say that I do have some idea generally what my ideal response would be - doesn't mean that I'm able to pull it off.  After being unloaded on I may not be able to offer the empathy or support my child is looking for - at least not right away.  But I try to put my  stuff (insert significant stronger language here) aside and barring that I try to go back later after I've had to time to process it a bit and reengage.


So I guess my parenting philosophy is to try.  To try really, really hard to be okay with the fact that I have no control.  To try really, really hard to do the thing that will best meet both the needs of myself and my child in that moment. And to accept with love, humility and respect my own humanness and the humanness of my child.  Because ultimately, what else can we really do?


***
Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Between Love and Fear: On Raising our Children Sensibly — Mamma Earthly at Give an Earthly discusses the fear factor in parenting and how she overcame it, despite societal pressures.
• really, when do i get my cape? — Sarah at small bird on fire is a working city mama trying to learn how to set aside her expectations of perfection and embrace the reality of modern parenting.
• Baby, Infant, and Toddler Wearing — Child wearing is part of Sarah at Nourished and Nurtured's parenting philosophy. In this post, Sarah describes benefits of child-wearing and gives tips for wearing babies, infants, and toddlers (even while pregnant).
• First Year Reflections — As her daughter's first birthday approaches, Holly at First Year Reflections reflects on how she and her husband settled into attachment parenting after initially doing what they thought everyone else did.
• Making an allowance — Lauren at Hobo Mama welcomes a guest post from Sam about the unexpected lessons giving a four-year-old an allowance teaches the child — and the parent.
• How to be a Lazy Parent and Still Raise Great Kids — Lisa at Granola Catholic talks about how being a Lazy Parent has helped her to raise Great Kids.
• Philosophy in Practice — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how her heart shaped the parenting philosophy in her home.
• What is Attachment Parenting Anyway? — Gaby at Tmuffin describes the challenges of putting a label on her parenting philosophy.
• Of Parenting Styles — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom talks about how she and her husband tailored various parenting styles to fit their own preferred parenting philosophy.
• Moment by Moment Parenting — Amy at Peace 4 Parents encourages those who care for children (including herself) to explore and appreciate parenting moment-by-moment with clarity, intention, trust, and action.
• Maintaining Spirituality in the Midst of Everyday Parenting, Marriage, and Life — Sarah at Nourished and Nurtured shares her perspective on finding opportunities for spiritual growth in every day life.
• Parenting Philosophy — Lily, aka Witch Mom's parenting philosophy is to raise child(ren) to be compassionate, loving, inquisitive, and questioning adults who can be trusted to make decisions for themselves in a way that avoids harming others.
• Long Term — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis thinks about who she would like to see her daughter become — and what she can do now to lay a strong foundation for those hopes.
• Connection, Communication, Compassion — She's come a long way, baby! After dropping her career in favour of motherhood, Patti at Jazzy Mama discovered that building solid relationships was going to be her only parenting priority.
• My Parenting Inspirations - Part 4 — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks at her biggest parenting inspiration and how that translates into her long-term parenting philosophy.
• A Parenting Philosophy in One Word: Respect — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction summarizes her parenting and relationship philosophy in one word: respect.
• Knowledge and Instinct — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that knowledge and instinct are super important … as are love, encouragement and respect. It's the ideal combo needed to raise happy and healthy children and in turn create meaningful relationships with them.
• THRIVE! — The Sparkle Mama wants to set a tone of confidence, abundance, and happiness in her home that will be the foundation for the rest of her daughter's life.
• On Children — "Your children are not your children," say Kahlil Gibran and Hannah at Wild Parenting.
• This One Life Together — Ariadne aka Mudpiemama shares her philosophy of parenting: living fully in the here and now and building the foundation for a happy and healthy life.
• Enjoying life and planning for a bright future — Olivia at Write About Birth shares her most important parenting dilemmas and pours out her heart about past trauma and how healing made her a better parent.
• My Parenting Philosophy: Unconditional and Natural Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares what she has learned about her parenting philosophy from a year of following her instincts as a mama.
• An open letter to my children — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine writes an open letter to her children.

• My Starter Kit for Unconditional Parenting — Sylvia at MaMammalia discusses her wish to raise a good person and summarizes some of the nontraditional practices she's using with her toddler son in order to fulfill that wish.
• Responsiveness — Sheila at A Gift Universe has many philosophies and goals, but what it all boils down to is responsiveness: listening to what her son wants and providing what he needs.
• Tools for Creating Your Parenting Philosophy — Have you ever really thought about your parenting purpose? Knowing your long-term goals can help you parent with more intent in your daily interactions. Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers exercises and ideas to help you create your own parenting philosophy.
• Be a Daisy — Becky at Old New Legacy philosophizes about individuality and how she thinks it's important for her daughter's growth.
• What's a Mama to Do? — Amyables at Toddler in Tow hopes that her dedication to compassionate parenting will keep her children from becoming too self-critical as adults.
• grown-up anxieties. — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life explains her lone worry concerning her babies growing up.
• Why I Used Montessori Principles in My Parenting Philosophy — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells why she chose Montessori principles to help her now-adult children develop qualities she wanted to see in them as children and adults.
• Parenting Philosophies & Planning for the Future — Momma Jorje considers that the future is maybe just a fringe benefit of doing what feels right now.
• Not Just Getting Through — Rachael at The Variegated Life asks what truths she hopes to express even in the most commonplace interactions with her son.
• Parenting Philosophy? Eh... — Ana at Pandamoly shares the philosophy (or lack thereof) being employed to (hopefully) raise a respectful, loving, and responsible child.
• Parenting Philosophy: Being Present — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses the changes her family has made to accommodate their parenting philosophy and to reflect their ideals as working parents.
• Who They Will Be — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a short list of some qualities she hopes she is instilling in her children at this very moment.
• Short Term vs. Long Term — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes recounts how long term parenting goals often get lost in the details of everyday life with two kids.
• Parenting Philosophy: Practicing and Nurturing Peace — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle sets personal goals for developing greater peace.
• Yama Niyama & the Red Pajama Mama — Part 1: The Yamas — In part 1 of a set of posts by Zoie at TouchstoneZ, Zoie guest posts at Natural Parents Network about how the Yoga Sutras provide a framework for her parenting philosophy.
• Yama Niyama & the Red Pajama Mama — Part 2: The Niyamas — In part 2 of a set of posts by Zoie at TouchstoneZ, Zoie explores how the Niyamas (one of the eight limbs in traditional Yoga) help her maintain her parenting and life focus.
• Our Sample Parenting Plan — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shares hopes of who her children will become and parenting strategies she employs to get them there.
• Philosophical Parenting: Letting Go — Jona at Life, Intertwined ponders the notion that there's no right answer when it comes to parenting.
• Unphilosophizing? — jessica at instead of institutions wonders about the usefulness of navel gazing.
• Parenting Sensitively — Amy at Anktangle uses her sensitivity to mother her child in ways that both nurture and affirm.
• how to nurture your relationships — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog believes that sometimes all kids need is a jolly good listening to …
• Philosophy Of An Unnatural Parent — Dr. Sarah at Good Enough Mum sees parenting as a process of guiding her children to develop the skills they'll need.
• Life with a Challenging Kid: Hidden Blessings — Wendy at High Needs Attachment shares the challenges and joys of raising a high needs child.
• Flying by the Seat of My Pants — Heather at Very Nearly Hippy has realized that she has no idea what she's doing.

Brown Paper Wrapper

Last month I received a solicitation to subscribe to the Gay and Lesbian Review. As much as I love magazines I don't spend a lot of time searching for new ones so this was the first time I'd run across G&LR.  We've been long time subscribers to The Advocate, but I'd recently let the subscription expire (simply because I'm really bad remembering to follow through on such things these days) and I thought maybe I'd give G&LR a shot for a change of pace.  I was pouring over the information provided, when at that bottom of one flyers I read:


"All correspondence sent in a plain envelope."

I seriously just about blew my top.  My daughter was sitting with me at the time and can attest to the rant that followed.  This of course is nothing new.  My Advocates had come wrapped and I was just as annoyed. And yes, at least with The Advocate, there is an option to decline the wrapping (I tried once, something went wrong at the website and well let's just say it went the way of my intention to renew the subscription).

But that's not the point.  This is not porn.  There is nothing on the cover of these magazines that wouldn't grace the cover of Cosmo or GQ. Nothing from which we need to shield the eyes of the innocent.  The entire purpose of this "plain envelope" was that I would not be outed as being LGBTQ or an ally to... who?  My mail carrier?

And yes I do understand the historical context.  I have family members who lived in openly gay relationships before I was born.  I am forever grateful to the pioneers who created these publications in times and places where it wasn't safe to do so.  I'm glad that they can be discreetly received by those who in this time are still not in a place where it is safe for them to do so.

My question is Why the bloody hell isn't it safe for them to do so?!

Ok so that is mostly a rhetorical question. Only because I know the answer is far to complicated to articulate here. 

Seriously folks.  Those that would like to see the LGBTQ "lifestyle" disappear back into the closet are pretty consistent in their complaints that said "lifestyle" is being foisted on them and their family.  And that there (generally speaking) conservative Christian "lifestyle" is under attack.  But when was the last time any of these people had their issue of  Faith and Family or Focus on the Family's Thriving Family offered to them in a plain envelope for discretion?